You have to believe....adoption is God's work.
This wait is hard, agonizing, an emotional roller coaster that sometimes (because we are human) leaves us questioning God, His work and most specifically His timing for things.
I fully believe the Lord has the perfect ending to our story... but damn, it's hard waiting. And then....I pray and am humbled by the peace given to me from our Savior that ALL will be ok. It will not just be ok, it will be perfect; exactly the way it is suppose to be... and yes, I understand that perfect does not mean EASY.
Look at the story of Jesus...nothing was easy for Mary, Joseph, and most of all Jesus. How easy would it have been to quit, to let humanity find a different road, an easier road, a road WE think is the right one, the best one for us. Jesus' never used His words in place of God's, He never took His own path, it definitely wasn't an easy road. He was undeniably faithful for us... So then I think, how incredibly weak and selfish it is for me to think I should find the 'right' path for us. Who am I? Well, I am the one using my own thoughts and words and 'perfect endings' and then believing they are HIS. WOW!
----
So now I do the only thing I can do is confess, PRAY for forgiveness, and PRAY for the ability to really listen to Him. He is 100% there, when we really start to listen. He always shows me that He is holding my hand. This morning at Mass He spoke directly to me through Fr. Guy! How blessed am I!! The Lord heard me, my pray and used Fr. as His method for me to hear Him LOUD and CLEAR!
It all started with a reading from the first book of Samuel 1:9-20
Hannah rose after a meal at Shiloh, and presented herself before the Lord; at the time, Eli the priest was sitting on a chair new the doorpost of the Lord's temple. In her bitterness she prayed to the Lord, weeping copiously, and she made a vow, promising: "O Lord of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the Lord for as long as he lives; neither wine nor liquor shall he drink, and no razor shall ever touch his head." As she remained long at prayer before the Lord, Eli watched her mouth, for Hannah was praying silently; through her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli, thinking her drunk, said to her, "How long will you make a drunken show of yourself?" Sober up from your wine!" "Isn't that, my Lord," Hannah answered. "I am an unhappy woman. I have had neither wine nor liquor; I was only pouring out my troubles to the Lord. Do not think your handmaid a ne'er do-well; my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorry and misery." Eli said, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant what you have asked of him." She replied, "Think kindly of your maidservant," and left. She went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and no longer appeared downcast. Early the next morning they worshiped before the Lord, and then returned to their home in Ramah. When Elkanah had relations with his wife Hannah, the Lord remembered her. She conceived, and at the end of her term bore a son whom she called Samuel, since she had asked the Lord for him.
-The word of the Lord.
I have asked for a child and I know he has listened. Fr. Guy told me to stop thinking my words and thoughts are His. WOW!!!! Really... that is exactly what I needed to hear! Now, I will wait peacefully until HIS words are in the flesh. He will answer my prayers....I have FAITH.
